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Bunty
Beauchamp was a one-time member of Chuffer
Dandridge's war-time entertainment troupe,
the "All-Stars". Believing himself
to be the new Houdini, he hoped that his
catchphrase on conclusion of his escapology
act should be "Easy as pie !!".
His audiences however, came to believe it
to be "Help me, help me .... I think
I'm smothering".
On November 16th 1973 Bunty began taping his new show "Easy as Pie -The Escapologist Cook!". It was an absolute shambles ! The opening show had him vowing to escape from a chained burlap sack, in the time it took to cook a meal !
Whatever caprice made him chose a three-minute egg was beyond even Chuffer Dandridge, who remarked "It can take all of three minutes to get him to look at you, sometimes".
Needless to say, the egg was done, and so were the audience! Bunty remained safely deposited in the bag, his presence only discernible by fitful mewings of his ever-popular catch-phrase: "Help Me, Help Me, I.. I...... I think I'm Smothering!" In order to save the day, the producer, Olbry Costnott, kept the cameras rolling, and authorised the cooking of a full four-course dinner, to give Bunty time to effect his escape! When there was still no sign of him, Costnott invited members of the audience on stage, to eat the meal, still with the cameras rolling.
When, two and a half hours later, after they had all finished eating and had moved on to their second cups of coffee, the redoubtable Beauchamp still had not seen fit to emerge from the confines of his sack, Costnott had a final brainwave. He managed to cajole them into doing the washing up, during which time, off-camera, he cut Beauchamp free of his fabric prison and revived him enough to "triumphantly" appear with a tea-towel and help the others dry the dishes,(albeit still mumbling his catch-phrase!) in a "Fanfare and Drum-Roll Big Finish", which unfortunately didn't receive the acclaim it deserved, because the rest of the audience had left by this time.
There was talk of editing the whole six and a half hours into a forty-five minute special, and they actually let Bunty go ahead and do the second show! They thought they'd ironed out all the kinks. As Dandridge was heard to say : "The proof of the pudding is in having your cake and eating it with humble pie ! But they also say when you sup with the Devil, be sure to use a long spoon, and they say eaten bread is soon forgotten. That says it all, really, but they're forgetting- one man's meat is another man's poison !! Need I say more ?"
"The Escapologist Cook", was cancelled after just two weeks, when Bunty managed to get himself trapped in the oven during the second show. He wasn't even supposed to be in the oven !! How he got in there, nobody knows, but he did, and he got stuck !! The show was broadcast live, and just before the producers cut to an apology notice and some instrumental music, the whole nation heard Bunty's unwilling catchphrase, "Help me.. help me... I think I'm smothering". The show was replaced the next week by "The Archaeologist Cook", featuring some Oxford boffin frying eggs on the sun-baked sedimentary rocks of Cornwall. It was a huge success and heralded the end of Bunty's television career.
