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Organ Jokes

Thanks to Steven M. Rashkin for these.

What is an organists favorite ballet?
Posuane Lake

What did the organ teacher say to the organ student who was trying to play Dieu Parmi Nous instead of his lesson plans?
Stop Messiean around!

Thanks to JohnsonKP4@aol.com for this one.

Why is a person who plays a pipe organ like a baby?"
"Because she plays with her feet!

Thanks to Ken Suetterlin for these.

What do you call a short headmaster?
A 4-foot principal.

How does an organist change his/her old fashioned underclothing?
With a "combination" piston!

What do the Germans call keys packed in a container whose volume is similar to a quart?
Manualliter.

Why is the pipe organ more moral than a grand piano?
Because it's principals are more upstanding!

Why is it more permissable to play risque music on a grand piano?
Because the studio consoles are more upright!

Thanks to Matt Butchers for sending me this one.

The organist's motto: practise while he preaches!

Thanks to i14wes@juno.com for sending me this one.

Did you know Bach had some 10-14 children?
They say there were no stops on his organ...

Thanks to Craig Hansen for sending me this one.

Did you hear about the man who went streaking through the church?
They caught him by the organ...

Thanks to Brian Thornton for sending me this one.

What is the difference between an organist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Thanks to James H. H. Lampert for sending me the following from the USA.

What's the best use of that ubiquitous Hammond accessory, a Leslie tone cabinet?
Kindling. To set the Hammond on fire.

How many organists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. - One to do it, and one to make a really dumb remark about how much quicker and easier it would be to change, if it had pistons.

Thanks to Maureen Rabbitt for sending me these two definitions.

Canon: Not to be confused with the ones required in the 1812 Overture which are spelt differently and which lack contrapuntal interest.

Fugue: There is an old saying that fugues are the type of music in which the voices come in one by one while the audience goes out one by one, but there is no statistical evidence to suport this; audiences have been known to leave in droves.

Thanks to Eanna McKenna for sending me these.

The Ten Commandments of Organ Practise

1. Thou shalt practise every day, even if only for a short period.
2. Thou shalt NEVER practise faster than thou canst play perfectly, for it is written: Perfect Practise Makes Perfect.
3. Thou shalt NOT put off working on the hard parts; David did not invite Goliath to come back after tea.
4. Thou shalt work out a usable fingering, inscribe it on thy papyrus and NEVER vary from same, for Fumble Fingers Find Fate Fickle.
5. Thou shalt never apologise for thy playing, nor say "Oops!" when thou makest a mistake, for thou wilt only draw attention to things which otherwise would never be noticed by the thick people.
6. Thou shalt practise each composition in short segments; that thy fingers may not break off more than thy mind can chew.
7. Thou shalt listen ... and not only to organists, for it is written: What this untidy world needs is fewer organists and more musicians who can play the organ
8. Thou shalt NOT play pedals without shoes ... for thy Odor-Eaters may be spent, and besides, it leads to sloppy playing.
9. Thou shalt begin and end each practise session with something thou canst play readily, that thou mayest not be discouraged.
10. Thou shalt always remember that thy practise is a labour of love and that by persistence (oft proved by thyself in other undertakings) thou canst bring to pass many wonders.

- with thanks to the TOSA news of New South Wales, Australia ....

Thanks to Dorothee Knauer and Brian McIvor for sending me these.

How many organists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. - One to change the bulb, and one to complain that the switch doesn't have any combination pistons.

Why doesn't heaven have a pipe organ?
Because they needed the keys in hell to make accordions.

The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.

What do you call 101 organists at the bottom of a lake?
A good start!