We compiled this page as many people in our class
have very good jokes and wish to share them with you.
How do you confuse a Kerry man?
Put 3 shovels against a wall and tell him to take his pick!
Waiter what's that fly doing in my soup?
Learning to ski.
Why did the baker steal money from the bank?
Because he needed the dough.
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a
vegetable?
A colliflower.
where did the sick ship go when he was sick?
To the dock.
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their feet smell!
Where do cows go on holidays?
Moo York!
Why do bees hum
Because they don't know the words.
Who gets the sack the minute they start work?
A post man!
Mum Mum can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you'll have a turkey like the rest of us.
What do you get if you cross a cobra with a
magician
Abracadabra.
What do you call a one legged Kerry woman?
Eileen!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Phillus.
Phillus who?
Phillus a glass of water!
How do you get into Dracula's fan club?
Send him your name, address and blood group.
Your sitting in a pitch dark car. The doors and windows are shut and
all you have is a chisel and a saw how do you get out?
Open the door!
What do you call a pair of robbers?
A pair of nickers!
Why did the one handed man cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To prove he had guts!
Why did the cat cross the road?
To see his flat mate!
Jenny: I think my brother's built upside down.
Penny: Why's that?
Jenny: His nose runs and his feet smell!
What did hey say to his tummy ?
Your under a vest.
What goes zzub, zzub, zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
The morning bus was very crowded, and a man on his
way to work became more and more annoyed by the little boy next to
him who kept sniffing loudly.
Eventually he could stand it no longer.
"Haven't you got a handkerchief?" he demanded, irritably.
"Yes", replied the boy, "but I'm not allowed to lend it to
strangers"!
Paddy English man, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irish man were on a plane
and it went on fire. Paddy English Man jumped out and said, "God
bless England, Paddy Scotsman jumped out and said,"God bless
Scotland", and Paddy Irish man jumped out and said,"God help the
person I land on.
Detective:Your first two wives died after eating poisoned ham
sandwiches,and your third has just Broken her neck after falling off
the roof. It's all rather suspicious,isn't it?
Husband: Not really. She wouldn't eat the poision sandwiches.
Paddy English, Irish and Scotsman were in a Landrover in the desert
and it ran out of petrol. Paddy Irish man got out and took the keys,
Paddy Scotsman got out and took the radio. Paddy English man got out
and took the door. When someone came they asked Paddy Irish man why
did he take the keys."So no one could steel the jeep", he
replied.They asked why did Paddy Scotsman take the radio."So I won't
be lonely", he answered. They asked Paddy English man why he took the
door."So if it gets too hot I can roll down the window!"
What do you call a Spice girl in a toaster? A pop tart.
What is yellow and stupid? Thick custard.
Hollo are are you fishing?
No I'm drowning worms.
Why do birds fly South in Winter?
Because it's to far to walk.
Why does a lion wear a furry coat?
Because he'd look stupid in a red rain coat.
How do know if carrots are good for your eyes?
Well have have you ever see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Why do tigers eat raw meat?
Because they can't cook.
What do you do if there's a gorilla in your
bed?
Sleep somewhere else.
What do you call a monkey with two bannanas in his
ears?
Call him what you like because he can't hear you.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a
octopus?
Something that can milk itself.
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
What do rats eat for breakfast?
Mice- crispies.
What would you watch if the late late show went on
fire?
Gay Burn.
What do you get if you cross a space ship with
bacon?
An unidentified frying object.
Waiter waiter why is the piece of toast all
broken?
Well, you did say toast and coffee and step on it.
How do ghosts like their eggs?
Terrifried.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a
kangaroo?
Pouched eggs.
What did the toast say to the bread?
'Pop up and see me sometime.'
Knock knock
Who is there?
Cornflakes
Cofnflakes who?
I'll tell you next year it's a serial ........
If we get honey from bees, what do we get from
wasps?
Waspberry Jam.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Soup.
Soup who?
Soup-er man!
'Waiter waiter I've been waiting here for nearly a
hour!'
So what! I've been waiting here for 30 years.
What's eaten with chips and goes
'dot-dot-dash'?
Morse cod.
What's a canniblal's favourite food?
Grilled chaps.
How can you tell a elephant from spaghetti?
An elephant doesn't slip off the end of your fork.
Where do bosses come from?
Boston.
Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?
A little goes a long way.
if a plane crashed on the boarder of England and Scotland where would you bury the suvivers
Doctor to patient; I have good news and bad news.The good news is your going to die, the bad news is I was supposed to tell you a few days ago.
There were two cabbages sitting on a shelf one cabbage said to another cabbage, What's the crack the other cabbage said "O my God a talking cabbage".
What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
Close the door , I'm dressing.
Why was the ketchup last in the race?
Because he couldn't ketch-up.
Whats the difference between a fish and a
piano?
You can't tuna fish.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Woo
Woo,who?
Don't get excited it's only a joke.
What do you call a computer superhero?
A screen saver.
What do you call a pub on mars?
A mars bar.
I'll tell you another joke about a
pencil.......
But it doesn't have a point.
What do you call an American drawing?
A yankie doodle.
What do you get when you crossa giraffe with and a
hegdehog?
A ten foot tooth brush
Knock Knock, who's there? Philus, Philus who? Philus a glas of water
What never gets any wetter no matter how it
rains?
THE SEA
David's father has three sons Snap, Crackle and
...........
David
What has a mouth but doesn't eat, has a bank but no money, a bed but doesn't sleep and waves with no hand? A RIVER