A GARDENER'S GROUSE

'Well isn't it well for his nibs next door, "runs their garden for wildlife" he says. Here I am on hot, sunny, summer days, sweating and slaving to destroy the weeds and insects. OK, so an army of toxic chemicals (Well why do you think the containers tell us to wear masks and gloves when using them?) and a battery of artificial fertilisers supports us gardeners. O! Yes we'll have an array of garish colour when we're finished and a garden that's the envy of the neighbour.

A yes! I'm glad you spotted the birdbath, table and feeders O YES the nesting boxes, and aren't they pretty and they suit the garden. No, I've never seen birds using 'em except the birdbath. Surprising I didn't think birds could drown, but its strange the number of dead ones I've taken out of it.

But any way! Have a look at your man sprawled out in his deck chair, did a bit of tidying in February and March, now, except for the odd bit of cleaning and keeping a strip of nettles cut, he lolls about and enjoys himself! Yes I'll admit that during the winter righteously he filled his feeders every day. No, hail rain or snow he filled them and even kept the ice off that shallow dish of water and tops it up! But what galls me is him sitting there and me sweating to keep up appearances.

Isn't he happy watching those pair of Blue Tits rearing their family and him with the butterflies fluttering around him? The interest and excitement he shows when he sees a new comer to his garden for the first time. I must admit I enjoy the singing of birds and the colour of butterflies, but some of the creatures that creep out of there, they must be harmful to my garden. Well I don't know what they are so they must be harmful.

What? You say Ladybirds eat greenfly, and those small things that look like wasps destroy harmful insects? The birds eat the caterpillars that are destroying my plants and they eat slugs? Come on; don't take me for a fool. What do I need them for, with my shed full of chemicals?

My chemicals are destroying our indigenous wildlife. Piffle!

Well you see I saw a photograph of some garden in a magazine and I want this place to look exactly like it. O? It was abroad somewhere, some exotic location. No, I can't remember exactly where, somewhere hot dry and sunny.

Well! Anyway I'll be seeing you. Keeping this place is a job in itself and him sitting there enjoying himself with nature bringing colour and song to his life.'